Sydney's Mission

April 4, 2021 2:54 pm

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November 15, 2020 1:04 am

Nov 13th, 2020 I have to say, today is a very very hard day for me and my heart is hurting so much. The pain I feel is so deep. Sydney gained her wings today. Now, she can run and play and feel no pai... View MoreNov 13th, 2020 I have to say, today is a very very hard day for me and my heart is hurting so much. The pain I feel is so deep. Sydney gained her wings today. Now, she can run and play and feel no pain or fear anymore. It was a very hard decision to make but after 5 months after surgery and still not walking, I felt it was time. The past week she seemed to be really depressed and some days didn't care to eat much. I really think not being able to walk on her own was making her unhappy. She also seemed to be really stiff and in pain when she first got up. She walked so slow. We tried. I really feel if I had of had access to an underwater treadmill, I may have had her walking again. Maybe not great but at least on her own. The place we use to go to, closed down the beginning of the year and there wasn't another place to go. This has worked for us twice in the past and I felt it would have again. This past week or so, I have been opening the garage door half way up to top of a baby gate that stretches across the garage and the dogs can watch out front hoping to cheer her up. She loved being out front. She would lay there for hours in the garage with me checking on her often. The front yard, the place she feared the most when she came to live with me, became her favorite place of all. Every single day, rain, sleet, or cold, we always went out front at night to walk and sit for a little bit. Even these past 5 months I wheeled her out on her wagon every night and would lay a blanket on the ground, put her on the blanket and we sat together. We have been doing this for at least 7 yrs and it was always her favorite place to go. In the beginning, she was so frightened of people but in the end she learned to let them come close to her and pet her. They say dogs forget their past and what they have been through, but I can tell you, Sydney didn't forget anything. I could see it in her actions over the years and in her eyes and into her soul. Someone really broke her inside. I tried so hard to give her the comfort of a place with me and show her love just trying to make up for what she lost in her past. I could write a book on her life here with me as we have been through so much together. She was a tough dog and tough for me to care for her. The most challenging one of all. I am sure anyone else wouldn't have given her all the chances for life like I did with her. Everyone recommended I put her down back in 2015 when our first incident with her lameness occurred. I said, no way in hell. I will fight as long and as hard as I can until we can't fight anymore. Sure I probably could have kept her alive longer now, but what would that do to her soul? Would she become broken and depressed again? All she did now was lay around. She didn't even try very hard. I can't make her. How long would my body last lifting 60 something pounds every day? Sydney would never get better and I feel like she had some pain somewhere because she walked so slow when first getting up. She had the spondylosis in her back and that was the biggest concern before we considered the surgery. It appears that that may have been the culprit of her slow walk. I just don't know. If only dogs could talk. It will take me a long time to get over this as we were so close. I want to say to everyone that has hung in there and stuck with us and stayed on this journey of Sydney's life, it's been a roller coaster of a ride and I want to say thank you for everything. For supporting her and being there for her. I hope she knew how much she was loved even by you that she never had met or knew loved her. She beat the odds many times with all she's been through and to have made it this long was a miracle in itself. She had her 11th birthday with cake on the first of November. I had her put to sleep here at home with her head in my lap as she left this Earth. I had to battle to get my vet to come out as they don't normally do in home euthanasia's so that saved me a couple hundred dollars. A crematory group took her away to have her cremated and she will return in a few days. I will post some pics. It was very expensive to have that done but I didn't want her to feel any fear by leaving the house. Plus I would be a mess crying so hard. I loved her so much and I will miss her presence for a very long time. Run free my big girl..I will miss you so damn much! My heart hurts so bad! All I could say to her is "Im sorry, I am so sorry". I feel like I failed her....😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. I will be posting pics in the coming days and a video I made of her life.

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